A disciple maker is very simply someone who follows Jesus themselves, while intentionally inviting others into their lives to be impacted by Jesus like they have. There is no place where this is more relevant than our homes. We are commanded by our King Jesus to make disciples of all nations, and the first disciples we should make, sit around our dinner tables. These are the people who are in our lives the most. Their invitation to watch us follow Jesus comes with 24 hour, 7 day a week, all access passes.
So we must prioritize discipling them. Now there is much to say about discipling our families. There are countless books, conferences, and materials on this topic. But even with all of the information and methods offered to us, this still seems to be an area of weakness for many. From my observation, the only family discipleship method in a lot of homes is putting our children in Christian school or dropping them off to a kids/student ministry program. This approach simply will not work for two reasons. First, discipleship is not a program, but rather it is a lifestyle. Second, the Bible makes clear that discipleship of our family belongs primarily in the home—see Deuteronomy 6:4-9. Kids and student ministries certainly have their place—and God uses them greatly—but the influences that our children get outside of the home should always be supplemental to what they are getting with us. This should really be the overflow of our daily lives as disciples of Jesus. Discipleship should be woven throughout everything we do as a family. Deuteronomy 6 describes it this way.
"Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”
Deuteronomy 6:4-9
I am a parent of two young children, and my wife and I are far from ready to write a book on the best way to do family discipleship. We have imperfectly struggled through seasons of trying to find a flow that fits us, and I’m sure what we do now will change as our kids grow up. But as I read the Bible, there are a few principles that I see that can help us prioritize discipling our families:
Don’t make it too complicated.
(1 Cor. 11:1) Family discipleship flows from our own relationship with Jesus. So when doing family discipleship, I try not to make it too complicated. I have found that if I will just read the bible on my own in the morning (a shared reading plan with my D-Group), then SOAP journal how God is speaking to me, I have material to share with my wife and children after dinner. We set aside just a few minutes to gather around the word as a family and I share with them a passage from my time with God earlier that day. I’m able to talk about what the passage says (observation from the SOAP journal), and I can ask a few relevant questions (application from the SOAP journal). I do my best to show how whatever passage we are reading points to Jesus, and then we pray for things going on in our lives. As children get older and are able to get on their own reading and journaling plan, they could all bring a passage to the family discipleship time. You could take turns throughout the week inviting them into your personal devotion time, allowing them to see how you read, pray, and meditate by doing it with them from time to time. There aren’t a lot of bells and whistles here. You can get fun and creative with smaller children if needed. But it’s very simple: we follow Jesus and we share with them what He’s teaching us.
Here is a link to SOAP journal guide: https://www.highview.org/discipleship/resources
Be consistent.
(2 Tim. 2:3-6, Eph. 5:15-16) Our schedules are extremely busy. No matter what we are doing: if we don’t make time for it, it usually won’t happen. We don’t find time—we must make time. Choose whatever time seems to be the best flow for your family: at the dinner table, just before bed, or even early morning. Be intentional to pick a rhythm and do your best to make it a part of everyday life.
Leverage small teaching moments.
(Deuteronomy 6:4-9) The bible says discipling our families happens as we are waking up, going out, coming in, laying down. So we should always look for ways to weave the gospel into daily occurrences. Perhaps your child is telling a story about another kid at school, or while driving along you notice a person acting in a way that isn’t Christlike. Take time to point out how the gospel and it’s implications come to bear on that situation. The news is never lacking stories of brokenness and sin. Talk to your children about how Jesus is the remedy for the fallen things we hear about constantly. You can highlight positive examples of others and celebrate how you see Jesus being reflected in a person or even themselves. When we discipline our children for poor behavior, take time to explain to them how their actions reveal a sinful heart and a need for the gospel. Explain to them how God deals with us based on grace and truth, which impacts how we are choosing to deal with them. There are all kinds of little moments in a day that if we are intentional we can leverage to reinforce the gospel.
Include them in mission.
(2 Cor. 5:20) As much as you can, do mission together as a family. Work together on ways to engage neighbors and friends for Jesus. Talk to them about how “our family” has a mission to make disciples, and plan together how you will do that. Take them places and allow them to listen to you share the gospel with people. If you serve in a ministry, bring them along and give them a responsibility in it. Invite lost people into your home for dinner and explain to your children your hopes for engaging them. One impactful thing is to pray for lost people with and in front of your family. Allow them to see what it’s like to beg God to save someone or give you the boldness to share with someone. Bring them around your D-Group talk to them about what your D-Group does and why it’s important. If we say discipleship is the most important thing we do, then let’s immerse our families in it with us. They need to see and believe that disciples are serious about making disciples. Prayerfully, soon you will find that it’s something they care about too.
3 Ways to be Missional This Halloween
Seth McBee shares some practical ideas for engaging people at Halloween. These ideas can lead to gospel opportunities to make disciples.
https://www.vergenetwork.org/2013/10/19/3-ways-to-be-missional-this-halloween/